The WW2Talk Agony Aunt.

Discussion in 'The Barracks' started by Owen, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. Owen

    Owen -- --- -.. MOD

    Time for a bit of fun.
    Think of this thread as the agony Aunt column in a tabloid newspaper.
    With other members giving their views.
    I'll start it off,


    Dear Auntie WW2Talk,
    I'm worried about my youngest son.
    He wants to be a German soldier .
    He already has blond hair and blue eyes.
    He insists he can speak German even though it's only "Danke schön".
    On seeing a column of British Army vehicles on the A419 the other day he wanted to blow them up even though his Mum told them he was actually British himself and the Germans are now our Allies.
    What can I do?
    Yours
    Confused from Wiltshire.
     
    Peter Clare likes this.
  2. Gerard

    Gerard Seelow/Prora

    Dear Confused

    There is a simple test to perform to see if he needs counselling Play him the "Preussans Gloria". If he leaps to his feet and stands to attention then counselling is required. I would recommend the movie "downfall". A healthy dose of reality or failing that then "stalingrad" might do the trick!! :D
     
  3. Peter Clare

    Peter Clare Very Senior Member

    Dear confused.

    I see that your son is blond, if he can't grow a small black moustache then he's blow it.

    Best regards from

    More confused from Berkshire.
     
  4. Ron Goldstein

    Ron Goldstein WW2 Veteran WW2 Veteran Patron

    Dear Auntie WW2 Talk

    Amongst my mail this morning was a letter from the War Office informing me that I have been called to the Reserves and must report for duty to Catterick next week prior to being posted to an RAC unit.

    I am a little concened as I this is the first communication I have received from the War Office since 1947 and I wonder whether or not someone there has not realised I am actually 85 years old.

    Do you think it is safe to ignore their recent letter ?

    Concerned from Cockfosters
     
  5. von Poop

    von Poop Adaministrator Admin

    Concerned,
    I believe you should take them up on their erroneous offer and have a thoroughly entertaining day out.
     
  6. AndyBaldEagle

    AndyBaldEagle Very Senior Member

    Dear WW2 Agony Aunt

    My computer recently decided to blow up and catch a cold! The suggestion is to repair it and be out of pocket, or steal youngest offsprings one that is newer, and has Visa on it (see the credit crunch is everywhere!) and put it downstairs so I can surf the WW2 forum, on a daily basis as before,so I don't miss anything.
    But apparently I have to buy her a pink laptop for Christmas!

    What to do??
    Confused (and skint)of Essex (sorry East London!)
     
  7. dbf

    dbf Moderatrix MOD

    Dear Skint of Essex,

    Paint your old PC pink. One present from Santa sorted...

    :)
     
  8. Tom Canning

    Tom Canning WW2 Veteran WW2 Veteran

    VP-
    an entertaining day out - at Catterick ??

    Ron had more fun at Cassino !

    Cheers
     
  9. von Poop

    von Poop Adaministrator Admin

    I think starting with an embarrassed trail of NCO's & 2nd. Lt.'s, followed by gradually working up to very senior officers in maximum apology mode could be highly entertaining :D.
     
  10. Owen

    Owen -- --- -.. MOD

    Dear Auntie Talk,
    My wife never watches documentaries about The Great War, this last week has seen a change though.
    She has been glued to the TV to watch a certain Mr Reed.
    Has she forsaken Nigel Harman for this gentleman who seems to pop over to France with attractive ladies such as Kate Silverton & Sophie Raworth.
    What shall I do?
     
  11. Peter Clare

    Peter Clare Very Senior Member


    Dear Auntie Talk

    Seems Owen and I both have the same problem. Whilst watching the TV last night this Mr Reed appeared and my wife shouted out "There he is" nearly jumping out of her chair. Is Mr Reed aware of this affect he has on the ladies? I just don't know what to do about this problem, any advice would be most welcome.

    Worried of Windsor.
     
    Owen likes this.
  12. Gerard

    Gerard Seelow/Prora

    Dear worried of windsor and Owen,

    Your ladies are suffering from "Paul Reed syndrome", a fairly typical ailment suffered by ladies going through emotional turmoil. This can take the form of a sudden interest in History perhaps the following of the exploits of a dashing historian. The only cure that is available is a two week course of watching "I'm a Historian, Get me out of Here", although that programme may also star Paul Reed.
     
  13. James S

    James S Very Senior Member

    Dear Worried of Windsor,
    I suggest a small amount of a substance called Haloperidol , it should calm " her in doors" down.
    Dr. Cracked Pot.
     
  14. Peter Clare

    Peter Clare Very Senior Member


    And I thought an aspirin would do. Think I'll go down the pub.:cheers:
     
  15. Verrieres

    Verrieres no longer a member

    Dear All,
    I cannot see a problem with wanting to be a German soldier as I have personally worked for many little Hitlers in my time. As for Paul Reed syndrome my wife thought he was Bob Hoskins. As for taking your childs computer, why not! We didn't have computers in our day we made our own entertainment, in them days money was scarce, as I tell my son everyday, when I was at school we got our clothes from the Army and Navy stores because they were cheap…mind I must have looked a proper sight going to Primary school dressed as a Japanese Admiral !…and my mother dressed as a Ghurkha !..Hope you find my diagnosis helpful.<O:p
    Yours <O:p
    Dr Verrieres<O:p
    <O:p
    PS Please excuse me writing in crayon as where I live we are not allowed anything sharp :D<O:p
     
    Owen likes this.
  16. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Hot air manufacturer

    Dear Auntie,


    Here in the Kremlin we don't have cable TV so we don't have access to the History or Discovery Channel, so we don't have any possibility of learning how the Americans won the Great Patriotic War all by themselves.


    We also have iffy internet access, so we also can't find out the many ways the Nazis could, nay, should have won the war as spelled out in so many whatif threads.


    Should we find a better provider?


    Socialist Greetings.

    I.V.Stalin



    P.S.- We don't have any bourgeois "crayonsky" over here, this post is written in the blood of the Heroes of Mother Russia!
     
  17. Owen

    Owen -- --- -.. MOD

    Dear Stalin,
    Please do the world and history a favour.
    Go and shoot ones-self.
    Your people did a great job in defeating the Fascist Hordes, it's just you are an arse!
    Yours
    Auntie Talk.

    :D
     
  18. von Poop

    von Poop Adaministrator Admin

    Dear Mr Stalin,
    I think you are tops, do whatever you decide as I'm sure it will be a superb decision, a veritable choice among choices and a credit to Mother Russia.
    I would also like to disassociate myself from the bourgeois views of this non-person above. - LONG LIVE PROLETARIAN INTERNATIONALISM! the tested and powerful weapon of the international working class!

    Please don't kill me.

    Yours in the cause,
    Cde. S.Y. Cophant.
     
    Owen likes this.
  19. Owen

    Owen -- --- -.. MOD

    Dear Auntie Talk,
    My Boss has commisioned me to redesign the town centre where I live.
    Do you know of any cheap demolition contractors?
    Yours
    Albert Speer
    Chief Town Planner
    Berlin
     
  20. von Poop

    von Poop Adaministrator Admin

    Mr Speer,
    I can cheerfully recommend a Mr A Harris of High Wycombe, he did a very thorough job of excavating my swimming pool, though it is a little large and now encompasses most of the neighbours gardens as well.
    He's willing to travel, has a wide variety of specialist demolition equipment, and has even been known to offer his services for no charge.
    (Mrs Jenkins down the road said he was a little slapdash in tidying up after himself though, so you may wish to monitor this, but I'm sure you know how all tradesmen can be.)

    Mrs Trellis.
    N.Wales.
     

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