I thought it would be good to post some jokes (eventhough I don't know many clean ones or WWII ones). Post your own, have fun. Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. "She's out of control," the first doctor says. "She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him ten milligrams every two hours, he almost died." "That's nothing," says the second doctor. "Earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour." All of a sudden they hear a scream from down the hallway. "OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!"
How many course leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to have meetings with all the others to decide the best way to do it. Kitty (a very annoyed student)
The Line Book was meant to be for amusing stories, but it developed into a stand-up routine. And what is wrong with filthy jokes? Just get Lee to whack an age limit access on it. That can be done, right? Kitty
The Line Book was meant to be for amusing stories, but it developed into a stand-up routine. And what is wrong with filthy jokes? Just get Lee to whack an age limit access on it. That can be done, right? Kitty Yes! Dear! :wub:
Right, let's get the age limit and then have fun! Well, I'll have fun because i am lousy at remembering jokes.^_^
Two cannibals spot a World Aid plane crashing to the ground. Ah, a free meal they said. Later...the two cannibals are eating a clown, Al Franken. One says to the other does this taste funny to you?
Sorry, but very often we get off track and thats all a small group seem to be doing at the moment by constantly posting non ww2 related messages. If age limits are required then its not welcome here.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
A burglar is working his way through the living room when he hears ' Jesus is watching you'. He swings the flashlight around the room but sees nobody. Again he hears 'Jesus is watching you' This time he locates the source - a parrot sitting high on a perch. 'Whats you name?' he says. 'Moses', replies the parrot 'What sort of person would call their parrot Moses' he says 'The same type of person who calls their rotweiller Jesus' replies the parrot
This is a classic I've known for a few years, and I'm sure you have as well, but it shouldn't be left forgotten ----- This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately (for once). The 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too. Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 1. Title/Name/Location [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other First Name: ....................................... Initial: ....... Last Name:......................................... Password: .......................... (max. 8 char) Code Name:........................................ Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ..................... 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase? [_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./...... 4. Serial Number:................................. 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased: [_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue / showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: [_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / manoeuvrability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_] Classified [_] Iraq 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Colour TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply) [_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? [_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check 12. Your occupation: [_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defence Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student 13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Sabotage [_] Boating / sailing [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
Hey Za we did have a joke thread a long time ago but it got closed by the old admin. http://www.ww2talk.com/forum/barracks/6328-jokes-feel-free-add-your-own.html
This was my favourite from that thread. A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. (Joke best delivered with a good thick British accent) "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokker appeared. “I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me." At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German aircraft company" "That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts.
European definition of Heaven and Hell. Heaven is a place where; The cooks are French, The police are English The auto mechanics are German The lovers are Italian and it's run by the Swiss. Hell is a place where; The cooks are English, The police are German, The auto mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss and it's run by the Italians.
Then there is the one about the Korean war when the Post office needed extra help to deal with the upsurge in mail..... a young woman was told to work alongside an old hand in the sorting area ...didn't last long as she stomped off and complained to the supervisor that the old hand's language was too much for her. Intriqued the supervisor decided to listen in - sure enough - what the old hand was saying was ambiguous in the extreme - with a handful of mail he was throwing the letters very expertly in their respective baskets "one for Koreae - another for Korea - another for Korea - then he speeded it up.......l
Pass baby - what would a Kiwi say ' "sped' - said it more" fast" - "quickly" -in a "hurry" - "quicker" - with more emphasis on the second sylable - within the context of faster speech it was supposed to be a joke not an English lesson - but then if you didn't get it - I can make the others even more simple ! Cheers
Hey Za we did have a joke thread a long time ago but it got closed by the old admin. http://www.ww2talk.com/forum/barracks/6328-jokes-feel-free-add-your-own.html I know. Saner ways have prevailed since. Maybe A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gadgets for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Religions of the World TAOISM – Shit happens. HARE KRISNA – Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong. HINDUISM – This Shit happened before. ISLAM – If Shit Happens, take a hostage. ZEN – What is the sound of Shit Happening? BUDDHISM – When Shit Happens, is it really Shit? CONFUCIANISM – Confucius Say, “Shit Happens” 7TH DAY ADVENTIST – Shit Happens on Saturdays PROTESTANTISM – Shit won’t happen if I work harder. CATHOLCISM – If Shit Happens I deserve it. JEHOVAH’S WITNESS – Knock, knock, “Shit Happens” UNITARIAN – What is this Shit? MORMAN – Shit Happens again & again & again… JUDAISM – Why does this Shit always happen to me? RASTAFARIANISM – Let’s smoke this Shit! Moral – It’s all a bunch of Shit!
How many forum members to change a lightbulb??? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 to hijack the thread and ask how to change the horn 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
