WW2talk or WW2f ?

Discussion in 'Network Information, Suggestions and Feedback' started by Ron Goldstein, Aug 6, 2010.

  1. Ron Goldstein

    Ron Goldstein WW2 Veteran WW2 Veteran Patron

    Whilst paying a flying visit to ww2f this morning I spotted this amusing self-review of a book by one of it's forum members.

    Thought it worth a re-print here.

    A Kodiak Bear Mauling, my .44 Magnum Opus

    Why should you buy my book?

    This new paperback edition is edited in such a way that many parts of it now actually make sense. For example, instead of just random punctuation thrown in every half-dozen words or so, I have cunningly rearranged those marks into patterns that English speaking people will recognize and approve of. Now that the new and improved book is out in an actual paper version to satisfy those too digitally impaired to operate a Kindle, there really is no valid reason for not purchasing it!

    In addition, this paper edition has a splendid bonus photography section contributed by (i think) the finest photographer working in Alaska today; Adina Preston. Adina also did the very artistic cover. So, even if you can't read, there are nice pictures.

    Even if you do not buy the book, you should probably share this post with everyone you know so that the book goes viral and the entire world has a chance to send me money. My plan of retiring to a 40 acre plot in Arizona to sit on the porch damning the government and shooting at coyotes with an AR 15 would be significantly enhanced if I could afford a 160 acre plot and shoot at really far away coyotes with a Barrett .50 BMG. Think of buying the book as your way of keeping Barrett industries from moving to China, as well as protecting innocent puppies from coyotes.

    Recently, I have been compared to Ernest Hemingway. It wasn't a favorable comparison really and had nothing to do with writing, but my wife pointed out that like Hemingway I am also a gun nut who drinks too much. I take that as high praise indeed! Besides, my book has funny parts, something that Hemingway left out of his books to make room for extra communists and bullfighters, so there's that. I went to a lot of trouble to remove all the communists and bullfighters just to satisfy those critics who complained about them in earlier editions. Still, I may be the best writer on Kodiak bears out there, which is rather like being the classiest stripper in Detroit.

    Perhaps you think that because you live in Liverpool or Las Vegas, you don't actually need a book about grizzly bears? Nothing could be further from the truth! By one estimate (mine) there are approximately 200 rickety circus trains across the globe, filled with ill-treated and ravenous bears. You may step out of a Starbucks one morning with a low-fat mocha at the same moment an eastern European circus train hits a beer truck and disgorges up to two dozen angry bears onto the pavement. It happens all the time, though you'd never know it with the media getting all distracted with wars and deficits and this Ed Snowden character. If you have purchased the book you'll know exactly what to do when you see those bears, and if you haven't purchased the book your internal organs will be ripped out one by one as you lie on the sidewalk in a spreading pool of your own blood and low-fat mocha. Circus bear handlers are like carnival workers, but without the inherent dignity and courage. That is to say that most of them are Ukrainians who will be too busy recording the event on their phones, or drunk.

    Many of the bear defense techniques in the book will also protect you from terrorists. Did I mention that? And outlaw motorcycle gangs.

    Without the book you will be screwed in the event of a circus train catastrophe! You'll be dead and your family will be thrown into the street with nothing but an Obamaphone and an EBT card after the Ukrainians sue your estate for spilling too-hot mocha on their bear. Your daughter's puppy will die of a lingering and painful illness that any vet could cure for a few dollars, which your family will not have because of your lack of planning.

    Even if you're lucky enough not to be attacked by bears or sued by Ukrainians, those kids and grandkids are going to see the blank spot in your bookshelf and know that YOU DIDN'T LOVE THEM enough to buy this book, which will inflict deep psychological scars. Now, it really isn't up to me to judge you for hating your own offspring, but someday when you're elderly and alone, are they going to patiently listen to you drone on and on and on about the old days, or smother you with a pillow and loot your medicine cabinet for oxycodone? It is up to you really, but if I were in your shoes, I'd buy the book just so that last thing doesn't happen!

    Besides, do you know who else didn't buy the book? ADOLF-FRICKING-HITLER, that's who!


  2. dbf

    dbf Moderatrix MOD

  3. von Poop

    von Poop Adaministrator Admin

    Marketeers both amateur & pro could learn a thing or two from KB.
  4. A-58

    A-58 Not so senior Member Patron

    Is that good or bad?

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