Jokes thread

After sitting and watching the lake for two hours, I realized it was someone's wall.

 

I'm not saying I've lost my sense of humour, but I had to read this three times before the penny dropped! Must have had my comic blinkers on!

 

still trying to untangle my tongue

 

Threw me, though!

Many moons ago, whilst on a Military colloquial German course, those in the Naughty Corner - who would always come up with a reason for a sentence putting Left Flank Company on the right and Right Flank Company on the left - often struggled with tongue tangling lengthy German combination words. One I found routinely tricky was Entschädigungsgutachter, a compensation assessor who would work out compensation arrangements after heavy metal etc had damaged an asparagus field. Needless to say, we started inventing words, so 'flying glove' became Luftwaffeflugzeugebesatzungsmitgliederschaffellhandschuh and mortar, with a nod to the above, became Der Poppemindertübenwerfer. Such a surprise, therefore, to come across Das Handy recently.

 

You have completely grasped the spirit of the German language.
Großartig!

 

Most kind, but I have just had to correct Der to Das above, so no. It is impossible. But another one of ours for you:

Two parakeets were sitting on a perch. One says, 'do you smell fish?'

 

Nice one. That’s one of those “I had to think about that” moments.

 

More than many moons ago.

Smart young orficer; "Questions?"

Wiseacre I'll catch 'im out kid; "Sir, why is it "Das"?"

Smart young orficer; "Because das what it is"

There really was no comeback to that.

Kind regards, wiseacre still, always,

Jim.

 

How the English ‘tee-age’ is slowly driving the announcer to despair

 

Excellent. Not seen before. There is a piece on it at:
Englische Ansage - Wikipedia
which includes the Family Tree.

A trick was perhaps lost on Jasper Fetherston. Had the surname been extended to Featherstoneheugh, the chances of the announcer knowing it may be pronounced 'Fanshawe' might have been a subtlety too far.
Featherstonhaugh - Wikipedia

In the meantime, I'll stick to alias Schnitzelbaumer-Stunkelgraupfinger when dealing with unsolicited telephone calls etc. Much mischief, especially when spelling it using NATO phonetics.

 

For the kind attention of Mr Schnitzelbaumer-Stunkelgraupfinger, in order to generate the highest degree of authenticity (and confusion) when spelling:

 

RE: German. I was playing a wargame when a Fliegendespringendekatzbomb was launched for a Tischabräumangriff. Fortunately my EOD team was able to remove the Fliegendespringendekatzbomb before it could wreak havoc.

 

Liverpool Football Club once tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their new aftershave, but there was a problem - Yul never wore cologne.