How can we not have a jokes thread?

Certainly. Now hopefully the AR15 has a bayonet lug on it, you know, just in case.

 

There's nothing like a good scratch !! Saw this odd-looking poster in a Asda car park, Oxfordshire.

 

I took these a few months ago at a Asda store in Oxfordshire. If it itches, scratch it...

 

There was a young lady from Natchez
Whose clothing was always in patches.
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes,
She drawled, "When I itches, I scratches."

 

On the Wehrmacht sniping range, the lieutenant says to a fellow soldier: "That new guy over there is pretty good".

"Yes indeed, he is a fine marksman but I think we need to investigate his personal background".

"Why?" "After every shot he carefully removes his fingerprints from the rifle".

 

Old Canadian joke:


Beaver comes back home and sees all of its hard work destroyed ... DAMN!

 

From "The Swordfish Story" - this is from after Op Torch - from recollections of Don Baring-Gould -

One other amusing incident was when we were still at Gib and we were given the task of escorting Force H through the Straits. Dennis, George and I thought we were doing a great job, particularly as there was a 60-knot headwind. We decided to sit over the leading destroyer as with only 20 knots to play with we could not move around too much. Obviously the Captain of the destroyer got a bit narked about this as it started flashing at us. As it was not too long I managed to read it: "Race you!"​

 

A resurgence of beaver jokes!!

Owen will not be amused.

 

Comic from the Guardian Review which I know will resonate with some of us!

 

Maybe Cats had a better strategy - see R Kiplling Just So Stories.

 

Wrong Answer,

WIFE > What would you do if I died ? would you get married again ?

HUSBAND > Definitely not !

WIFE > Why not- don't you like being married ?

HUSBAND > Of course I do.

WIFE > Then why wouldn't you remarry ?

HUSBAND > Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE > You would ? (with a hurtful look on her face)

HUSBAND > (makes audible groan)

WIFE > Would you live in our house ?

HUSBAND > Sure it's a great house.

WIFE > Would you sleep with her in our bed ?

HUSBAND > Where else would would we sleep ?

WIFE > Would you let her drive my car ?

HUSBAND > Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE > Would you replace my pictures with hers ?

HUSBAND > That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE > Would she use my golf clubs ?

HUSBAND > No, she's left handed.

WIFE > --silence-- -

HUSBAND > Oh Bugger............


Graham.

 

Sorry to those who are ill-disposed to furry aquatic mammals, but we need more beaver jokes.

 

What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?

Nothing! Yet............