‘Jewish Quarterback’ The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He scouted and scouted but couldn't find a quarterback who could give the Bears a shot at a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching the news he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself. "This kid has the perfect arm!” So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom" he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you", the old woman says. “You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mom," the young man pleads. "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans.” "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, ... "I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!"
I was sat in the barbers (hair dresser's) yesterday waiting for my turn, and sat opposite me was a blind man and his guide dog which was an Alsatian. Suddenly his dog bit him,and to my amazement he started to stroke the dog.? I said "why are you stroking that dog for after he's just bitten you ?" He said, "it's ok don't worry, I'm just trying to find out which end he's head is so I kick him up the _ollocks. Graham.
My young nephew told me this one today: A Scarecrow was given a Life Time Achievement Award. Category--Outstanding in his field!!
Ran across this recently online. Why did the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships? So when they come back into port, they can Scandinavian!
This is from twitter. Don't know if you folks are familiar with D&D or the traditional puzzle of "one gate guard always answers true, the other always answers false"... A group of heroic fantasy adventurers come to a magical gate with two guards. Guard 1: ONE OF US SPEAKS NOTHING BUT TRUTH Guard 2: ONE OF US SPEAKS NOTHING BUT LIES Wizard: Ok, I know this, we have to ask... Barbarian: *takes his axe and kills one of the guards* Wizard: WHAT THE HELL!? Barbiaran: *to remaining guard* Is he dead? Guard: NO Barbarian: This one liar.
A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy." "I see," the captain said. Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry."
I assume that this was someone at Duxford having a joke....I hope so. Apparently it was deleted quite quickly though so either the prankster was caught, or erm...it wasn't
I was trying to recall hearing that quote from Young Frankenstein, then I realized that your footnote was in reference to the "What knockers" quote.
It's bad enough when you are following a people mover at McDonalds with a soccer mom and half the team wanting ice cream cones, chicken nuggets and a selection of dips. It just isn't fast food anymore.
