Hoolig Many thanks for this story just found it and was so totaly enthalled reading it from the begining that i didn't realise how long it has captivated me for absoluty brilliant . I would'nt mind thinking that if this was published it wouds be a best seller. Cheers
Bert thank you for sharing your stories with us. A very merry christmas and all the best for the New year.
Cheers Bert, very best wishes to you and your family. Hope to hear more from you in the new year! Mike
Hoolig Very best wishes to you and yours, You have made many of my lunch-breaks at work most enjoyable. Hope you have more for next year. Noel
Our CO received a message from the R.E.M.E. Major praising us for the hard work we did on the detachment, our CO was was pleased that we did not let the Regiment down, he said we could have a day at the seaside. Our day off was arranged, a lorry arrived and we loaded up, including a struggle with Fugly, we set off like excited kids, well we were teenagers, we stop at a roadside stall and the Minder bought a bottle off hooch. We arrived at the coast, we had to walk up a hill of sand, there was about a dozen large hats on the sand, on inspection, under neath the hats people were buried in the sand, after a lot of talk and arm waving, we found out it was for medicinal purposes, we had to stop Fugly from picking up the hats or pissing on them. We got to the top of the sand bank and there was the sea, Fugly took off and into the water and bounce up and down like a kid, that got him a stern finger wagging bollicking from the Minder, we bollicked the Minder, but he said the dog should do what he is told. We had a walk along the sand, then decided to have a swim, there was a large diving platform a short way out, the Greeks told us the Germans had built that, it was large made out of wood and metal, and anchored to the bottom by chains, we swam out to that, and the water was an amazing colour, and clear, we had a swim and came back to the platform and rested our arms on the edge while we chatted, and Fugly did the same, holding on with his legs and barking at those resting on the platform. We decided to have a game of Water Polo, it was more like Rugby very rough, Fugly jumped on a poor swimmer and held him under, he had to be rescued an taken to beach and water pumped out off him, Fugly got the red card and went off in disgrace, the game was tame with out him, so we decided to have our grub. We unpacked our small packs, the cooks had excelled themselves, we usually got Cheese and Smashed Monkey sandwiches, today they had a complete change, Smashed Monkey and Cheese sandwiches, and an Apple. Fugly sat there waiting for his, the Minder gave him a half a sandwich and told him to fuck off, he just turned his head to me, his teeth like tombstones were about an inch from my face, he was showing all his teeth, he probably thought he was smiling, I gave him half a sandwich and pushed him away he moved along the line standing over every one, he came back to the Minder, to get his apple core, he had every ones apple core, somebody said when he has a crap they will have a orchard. The Minder tried his bottle of hooch, he took a swig, I watch his face, he stop breathing and it was a few moments before he could speak, he then said fuck me that was vile, he then cupped his hand and poured some for Fugly, Fugly shook all over, showed his teeth and the hairs on his back went up, I gave the Minder a bollicking for doing that, while we were eating a small cabin cruiser pulled up on the beach and a Man and Woman and two kids arrived on the beach. We decided to have a game of Fugball, it was OK when Fugly put you down it was nice and soft, but it had to happen, one of the Bods gave the ball a bit of welly and it broke a very small window in the boat, the Greek gave a song and a dance one of the lads had a whip round and shoved the notes in the Greeks hand, probably enough to by a new boat. The Greek then joined in the game, we decided to get our moneys worth, we gave the Greek several hospital passes hoping that Fugly would flatten him, but he would not go any where near him, very disappointing. We had a great day, Fugly slept all the way back, he was too tired to realize he was frightened of vehicles. More Later
Just joined the site yesterday , awesome read Bert . As good as any book . Hope you had a good xmas and new year , woz
Just joined the site yesterday , awesome read Bert . As good as any book . Hope you had a good xmas and new year , woz Hi Woz, I did post a reply but it's disappeared. Any way thanks for your post. Happy New Year
We got some really bad news, some top bananas from Divisional HQ were coming to the camp, we started to sort out our best BD and boots, we had visions of parades and plenty of bullshit. Then the Minder came into the room, he said I got some bad news, we said it can't get any worse, he said I have got to see the CO in 30 minutes, it must be about the dog, we said that's bad, the Minder said I reckon we will have to get rid of him. We had a general chat, with plenty of ideas, the best one was we would visit a few civvy houses and pay one of them to tie Fugly on a lead and keep him out the way. The Minder went to see the the CO, he came back all smiles, the Brigadiers party would park their cars at the camp, and with a escort would go and look at the ground that we were patrolling, then they would come back to the camp for a meal, and then the Brigadier said I want to see the Somersets footballing dog, the Minder told the CO we would also put on a fight involving the dog. We got the lads ready for the kick about, we got the tip off the party were coming, we were playing when they arrived, they were having a good laugh as Fugly flattened one bod after another, I think the dog knew he was on show, and he put himself about, he hit one bod so hard we had to carry him off, while the game stopped the Minder asked the officers if the they wanted to join in, the Brigadier said no I am a rugby player, the Minder said the dog was a better rugby player, the Brigadier laughed and said I am not that good, we played for several minutes, then the Minder said for us to form a large circle, the Minder had arranged this, he had a bod for a MC, the Minder brought Fugly into the ring and sat him on the other side of the circle. he walked back and nodded to the MC, the MC announced a fight to the death, on my left we have the Minder the heavy weight champion of the British Army, the Minder was about 5 foot and built like a rasher of lean bacon, there was loud cheering, the MC said on my right we have Killer Fugly the champion of Greece, loud booing, alright gentlemen fight to the death. The Minder walked across to Fugly, he punched Fugly in the head, pulled his ears, stepped back and said come on you coward fight, fight that's what Fugly was waiting for he launched himself at the Minder and sat him on his arse, then they were rolling around the floor, the Minder was punching and slapping the dog, and the dogs four legs were going like pistons, they rolled around for several minutes, then it ended like always, Fugly grabbed the Minders leg and dragged him around the ring, with the Minder shouting mercy, mercy, I give in, but it did not stop until the Minder shouted stop, the dog let him go and they then had a cuddle, the Brigadier came over and said that was a good show, he made a fuss of Fugly, and called him a good dog, Fugly took no notice, the Brigadier said he is very subdued the Minder said he is not use to being called a good dog, the Brigadier said well what do you call him, the ,Minder said call him a ugly bastard, the Brigadier did and Fugly was all over him, the Brigadier said I see that he is a soldiers dog. The CO was very pleased, and said the Brigadier could not stop talking about the football and the fight. More Later
The Minder and I got lumbered with some work, a bod had taken Fugly to the football pitch, when we got there a proper match was just finishing, Fugly gave us a tail wagging greeting. we got ready for a game of Fugball, Fugly was eager to start he ran on the pitch and scratched first with his front feet, then the rear feet, then had a short run, then he was ready. He really put himself about, he had two bods down in the first ten minutes, then I got clobbered, I went off and sat with the Minder, somebody said heads up here comes the CO, the CO was wearing shorts, he said to the Minder can I have a game, the Minder said those 3 bods are next you can go on after them, he sat talking with us, then the Minder said your next, he ran onto the field and touched the ball twice, then Fugly took his legs from under him, he came off, the Minder said you need more practise, the CO laughed and said I will have another go, he got flatten twice more, he said I will have to go I have got some work to do, but I will have a go tomorrow. The Minder and I was sitting out having a fag, we watch as 6 bods in a group trying to get the ball, arms and legs going like pistons, Fugly was in the group, and we heard him yelp twice, the ball flew out, the group broke up, and Fugly came out limping badly, the Minder rushed over and brought him to the touch line, we gave him a good going over he did not appear to have any breaks. The Minder sat down and had Fugly on his lap, can you imagine from the front all you could see was two shoes and two hands, Fugly was in heaven, having a cuddle with the Minder, I said he is putting it on, no no the Minder said he's really hurt, yes I said he is milking it for all its worth. I said lets go and get a cup of tea, Fugly never moved, until the Minder agreed then Fugly came to life, I watch Fugly walking he was limping badly, the Minder got him a bowl of tea and two bits of cake, I had to get my own. It took Fugly a week to lose his limp. More Later
Fugly had got over his injury, with plenty of cuddles, bowls of tea, and sponge cake, he was raring to go. The Minder and I with Fugly made our way to the football pitch, Fugly knew where we were going, and kept running on only to get a severe bollicking from the Minder, we arrived at the pitch where a 7 aside match was on, we had to wait, Fugly was whining at the delay, the match finished and we were ready to play. The Minder had changed the rules, and had let all and sundry know, no ammunition boots, only 10 bods on the pitch, and when any part of you body other than your feet touch the ground you came off. There where several waiting to play so we sat and watched, players were getting knocked over quickly, the Minder said to me that bloody dog has changed his rules, you watch him, Fugly would charge any one who had the ball, if they passed it, he would swerve around them, but now if you got rid of the ball he would side swipe you has he went by. That was how I got hit, I was standing with 3 bods, when the ball came to the group my mate got rid of the ball, but Fugly hit him full on, then cannoned off him and his big head hit me in the back off my thigh, I went down has if I had been poleaxed, we both limped off, I was in agony, I tried to rub some life in my leg but made it worse, it went dead. I limped off to the ablutions, where I bathed my leg first in hot water then cold, it eased it a bit. I went back to the billet, then the Minder turned up, he said you OK, I said no, he then reminded me that the PTI had called a meeting for the football squad the next day at the football pitch, to introduce 2 new players, and a chat about tactics for the coming matches. That night I turned in early, but had a restless night, next morning I could not sit up straight, I had to roll off my stretcher bed onto the floor, much to the amusement of the bastards I called mates, I washed and shaved, and then struggled off to breakfast, I asked the Minder if he would massage my leg. Just imagine the following,I am standing there in my cellular drawers, the Minder was on his knees rubbing my thigh, can your imagine the comments, I surely don't have to write them here. We set off for the meeting, I was like a ruptured duck, we approached the pitch the PTI was watching us, when we met him he said whats the matter with you, before I could regale him with my well rehearsed excuses, the Minder said the dog hit him, the Sgt exploded, and gave a me a good bollicking, when he walked away I said to the Minder if I could lift my leg I would kick you arse. The Sgt said from now on no member of the squad will join in a kick about with the dog. The Minder said to me we will play cricket with Fugly. Sorry for any mistakes More later
The PTI had warned the Battalion football players no kick abouts when the dog was playing so the Minder said we will play cricket with him, he had played several times and was a good fielder. The cricket gear was very primitive, broom handles for stumps, two well worn bats, 6 assorted balls, and no protected gear, so no fast bowling. We went off tho join in the game, Fugly realised where we were going and was very excited, we waited till some dropped out and we could join in, Fugly all ways fielded at Mid on, he knew that's where the ball was mostly hit, he would retrieve the ball and always returned the ball to the Minder, dropping it at his feet whether he was fielding, batting, bowling, or a spectator. WE were playing one day when the Minder called out to my mate and I, I am going for a tomtit, the dog is all yours, we carried on playing, a batsmen hit the ball, and Fugly got the ball, he came running back, looking for the Minder, he just stood there looking around, somebody said to my mate get the ball, my mate took Fugly to the stumps made him sit, he forced open his mouth, showed him the ball and placed it by the stumps, he had to do that three times, the fourth time Fugly came back and dropped the ball by the stumps, he did that every time that the Minder was not playing. We enjoyed the cricket, but soccer was our game, we had to wait until we had no games coming up, then we could play Fugball. More later
Bert I've got to ask, do you have a photo of any of you with Fugly? Thanks for the stories Hi DBF Thank you for you post. Unfortunately I have no photos of Fugly. Cameras were few and far between where I was stationed, it was isolated and remote, one of the older bods took some snaps of the football, but there was nowhere to get them developed. We moved to Italy, and the mob was housed in small groups in different buildings, the next thing I new 20 of the older bods had been sent home to the UK for demob. Regards Bert
I have had ear trouble since I was a child, over the years it flared up for few days then every thing was OK. I had earache for a few days, then one morning I woke up to find my ear was bunged up with thick brown wax, it had leaked out and had set hard on my cheek, I had breakfast then went to the RAP. The RAP Sgt had a reputation of being very professional, caring, and efficient, he looked at my ear and said "fuck me I don't like the look of that, I will get the butcher to look at it" I had to wait to see the MO, he said "I don't know much about ears you better go to hospital". I was eventually transported to the hospital in Salonika, I was taken to a small ward at the back of the hospital which had been allocated to the UK service men, there was 3 squaddies in beds, I was given hospital blues and a bed, I could not believe it, it had springs, mattress, and sheets, I could not wait to try it out, after sleeping on a Army stretcher for 11months, but I was disappointed, it was too soft and I tossed and turned all night. A civvy DR and a MO, saw me the next morning, they used warm water to melt the hard wax and gave my ear a good dung out, they put in two lots of drops and cotton wool, and told the ward orderly to put drops in morning and evening. The orderly said you can go into town, and suggested a cafe which had a room which was used by servicemen, where you could get a good cup of tea, and read English newspapers, even thought they were about a fortnight old, also have chat with other service men. I was enjoying my self, wandering around town, before going for a cup of tea and a chat, my ear was not hurting and not discharging, I felt a bit guilty, but I thought I have lived rough for nearly a year, I deserved it. I went into town for a walk and then into the cafe, it was quite full so I sat at a table with two squaddies, one picked my beret up looked at the badge and said is that a SOM. L. I. badge, I said yes, he turned to his mate and said we have got a job to do for the SLI, his mate said yes, we have too get enough vehicles first, they were both in the RASC, I said why do you want the lorries, he said to take your mob to the docks, I said when, he said the end of the month, I said we are leaving Greece, he said I reckon if you are going to the the docks. It was time for me to go back to unit, when I saw the DR next day I said my ear was better, he said we will give it another couple of days, at the end of the week he said OK you can RTU. I said to the the orderly what do I do, he said go to the small office on the ground floor and tell them you want transport, I did this and the Sgt said where are you stationed I told him and he said I have never heard of that place, pop in here every day if there is any vehicles going there it will be put on that blackboard, I went in there every day for a week, nothing, I began to feel sick at the thought of being left behind and shoved into another mob. I went in the office one morning and on the board was written Drama, and Xanthi, I knew these were in my area, so I took a chance, I said to the Sgt I was at Xanthi, he said tomorrow after breakfast, report here and you will be picked up, it was a gamble but the the thought of being left behind was frightening, I would take a chance. More Later
Hi Bert Just started reading your story and could not take my eyes from the screen. Even barked at the missus who wanted my attention, i was so enthralled, keep up the good work. Sounds like you learned your typing skills from the same school i did ! Regards from another Bert.
Hi OIbert, Barked at the Missus, your a brave man, don't hold me responsible for your punishment. Regards Bert
