Nato threat levels
Posted 11 April 2010 - 12:53 PM
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Angry" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert: Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have downward facing glass windows with elaborate lighting so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
The Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out preemptive strikes on all of their allies 'just in case'.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be al'right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
To our knowledge they are nothing of the kind. Even the photos are stolen from another - WW2T
Posted 11 April 2010 - 04:24 PM
Posted 11 April 2010 - 04:34 PM
Posted 11 April 2010 - 05:18 PM
Got your hearing aid in? we blew the bugle last time and you missed it so lets try Bikini Black & Bikini Amber but I believe that the powers that be have changed them or are changing them just to confuse the rest of us.
"Let us cross over the river and rest under the shade of the trees"
Posted 11 April 2010 - 05:32 PM
Posted 12 April 2010 - 08:56 AM
My experience apart from Germany was that they were usually ignored by us all apart from the guardroom staff who used to get their rocks off when they placed new board over writitng in front of guardroom...No hooter no action....get me another coffee I'm off to the tv room.
Welsh had bikini zulu ...men of harlech apparantly....thats where they all line up and sing songs. If in real danger....Bikini black zulu was declared and welshmen know viet taff are about to burn down the holiday cottages, and all welsh troops are deployed accordingly...with ox carts and pith hats.
You missed the Irish, they had their own board type warnings....Mostly green...
Ahhh get orveryerself....black....was equivilant to all is well
Its gonna kick orf Kelly...white....was equivlant to take extra precautions at work and in car.
Jeeezzz...blue....equivilant to the proddies are at it.
Jeeeezz green...eqivilant to the catholics are at it.
Jeeeeezzzzz bugger...equivilant to the Brits are at it.
Ahhhrrrrr carm yerself down now....red....equivilant to oh bugger leg it....
Posted 12 April 2010 - 11:12 AM
"The Eastern front is like a house of cards. If the front is broken through at one point all the rest will collapse."
- General Heinz Guderian
"There's no "i" in team, but there's four in Platitude Quoting Idiot"
Posted 12 April 2010 - 11:31 PM
and what are the Welsh doing then
Probably the same as the New Zealanders....but they kiss the sheep first!
“What? Oh, nonsense, Benton. I tell you that's a beach out there. It's probably Norfolk or somewhere like that… See that nobody wanders in. We can't have the place overrun with holiday makers. I'll nip out, find a phone and tell the authorities exactly where we are. I'm fairly sure that's Cromer. Back in a jiff.”
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